I am proud of myself. I actually made a comment in class and the aftershock was bearable. I shared with the class my thoughts on a subject, I described my reaction. I put up my hand and waited for my turn – I took that time to calm myself down and to find a better word for what I wanted to say. I wasn’t quite happy with the word I had at the time, which was “disappointing.”
I scanned my mind searching, searching for that perfect word and finally settled on “horrifying” – what I wanted to relay was indeed “horrifying.” After my comment, I quickly recoiled back into myself to immediately analyze the sensations. My voice wasn’t shaky and my comment wasn’t nonsensical. My hands weren’t shaking and I can’t recall if my heart was racing at all! All evidence of my progress.
I am practicing speaking out-loud. I am tackling easy questions first, specifically closed questions and opinion questions – things that are never “wrong.” (I continue to struggle with the experience of being wrong in a crowd)! I am practicing the act of being heard, being listened to, being the centre of attention for a moment. I am practicing projecting my voice – finding the right words without losing my mind or thought process. I am practicing thinking on my feet.
If I really want to be the kind of speaker I constantly imagine myself being, then I have to start somewhere and sometime. I choose to start here and now, with one word responses and pure opinion – better late than never.