I feel so much better today, especially right now as I write these words. Yesterday was like a day of mourning (I know – so melodramatic!). I experienced a deep sadness throughout the day – even the weather cooperated with my mood. It was overcast, wet, cold and windy. I spent most of the day alone, replaying the turn of events, reading and re-reading our messages to each other (especially his last message to me) and writing out my feelings, some of which I shared some with you.
I went for a run this morning – I think that made the difference. Being out and about, part of the real world, part of the trees, the birds, the squirrels, the cyclists, the walkers and other runners was something I desperately needed. It was just a friendly reminder that – you know what, life isn’t that bad, not mine anyways. I have a good life.
I could have used my time out there a little better though – all throughout, my mind and body were segmented. My poor body, it has been neglected for so long – it used to be amazing, strong! Together, we used to run 10k effortlessly. Now it’s a struggle just to get through half of that! But, my body got me through it today (thanks). My body has always been there for me, showing me that I am indeed stronger than I think I am, even when I don’t treat it with the respect it deserves.
While my body increased my blood pressure, sent blood surging through my veins, stretched and strengthened my muscles, especially that thirsty heart of mine – my mind went on doing what it does best – thinking about the past and speculating about the future (this was the perfect chance to live in the moment!). I was repeating words my mystery guy and I said to each other, recreating dreams we shared with one another and wondering about the possibility of running into him in real life. I suppose it will take time to get over it, it has been only a day so far after all. Soon he won’t be running around in my head so much giving me that heartache.
Good news is that I am not spending most of my time alone today. I am about to head out to spend time with people who have bigger problems than disappointment! It’s always good to be pulled down back to earth, forced put your problems in perspective.